I’ve been working on this website in my sunroom with the doors wide open. A pale yellow butterfly flew in to explore my plants, and then she got stuck at the window in the corner. The portal to freedom is right here, wide open, but she keeps flying father away, looking for an escape in the illusion of freedom.

Her journey reminds me of my own. I spent so many years looking for freedom by digging deeper into what I thought I was supposed to do. I got a stable job and I worked really, really hard. I found one relationship after another, and I tried to make myself whatever my partner wanted me to be. I tried to be perfect, but I was flying farther away from my self. I was looking for escape in the illusion of freedom.

In 2020, I turned around. I chose failure over perfection. I chose risk over stability. I chose the unknown over safety. It was a messy process. I found a lot of new corners with closed windows that offered different illusions of freedom. With each new mistake and recovery, I got more exploratory, braver. I gained new life skills to add to the academic skills I had accrued during my perfectionist era. I became stronger and tougher. At the same time, I became softer and more flexible. I started listening to my environment and learning how move with flow instead of against it. I learned to identity my own goals, my own desires, my own gifts.

Now, I work with people who are ready use the power of expression to change their lives and improve the world.

The butterfly is still perched on the window because ultimately, every being needs to free themselves. I am here, sitting with her: witnessing, guiding, and letting her rest. I believe that she will find the door when she’s ready.